I came across this today and, since I am the father of three girls, decided to make it public for possible suitors to prepare themselves as well as for other fathers who may need it. Note, this is slightly changed from the original version that I received! Below is the text from the form, however, I have created a PDF version of it that is probably more useful. The PDF version –> Application for Permission to Date my Daughter (PDF). NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.
NAME_____________________________________
DATE OF BIRTH_____________ HEIGHT___________
WEIGHT____________
IQ__________
GPA_____________ SOCIAL SECURITY #_________________
DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________ HOME ADDRESS_______________________
CITY/STATE___________ ZIP______ Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No If “No”, explain: _____________________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________________________ Number of years they have been married ______________________________ If less than your age, explain ____________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________
A. Do you own or have access to a van? __Yes __No B. A truck with oversized tires? __Yes __No C. A waterbed? __Yes __No D. A pickup with a mattress in the back? __Yes __No E. A tattoo? __Yes __No F. Do you have an earring, nose ring, pierced tongue, pierced cheek or a belly button ring? __Yes __No (IF YOU ANSWERED ‘YES’ TO ANY OF THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES IMMEDIATELY. I SUGGEST RUNNING.)
In 50 words or less, what does ‘LATE’ mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ‘DON’T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER’ mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________ In 50 words or less, what does ‘ABSTINENCE’ mean to you? ______________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________________
Church you attend ___________________________________________________ How often you attend ________________________________________________ When would be the best time to interview your: Father? _____________ Mother? _____________ Pastor? _____________
Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential. A. If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be: ______________________________________________________________ B. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my: ______________________________________________________________ C. A woman’s place is in the: ______________________________________________________________ D. The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: ______________________________________________________________ E. What do you want to do IF you grow up? ______________________________________________________________ F. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: ______________________________________________________________ G. What is the current going rate of a hotel room? __________________ I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE. _________________________________________________________ Applicant’s Signature (that means sign your name, moron!) _______________________________ ________________________________ Mother’s Signature Father’s Signature _______________________________ ________________________________ Pastor/Priest/Rabbi State Representative/Congressman In the boxes below, please provide Finger Prints, inked in your own blood for Homeland Security Identity Checking and DNA sampling: Thank you for your interest, and it had better be genuine and non-sexual. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can’t, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases. (you might watch your back) To prepare yourself, should you, by some ice cube’s chance in HELL, be even remotely considered, start studying Daddy’s Rules for Dating, which is attached to this Application.
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them.
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open-minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a ‘Barrier method’ of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: ‘early.’
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process than can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a slow, potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car – there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
HTD Says: Boys – you had better read up! Dads – be sure to get this form!
oh my, my father found this, and wow.yeah, its a good thing my boyfriend doesnt care my dads “humorous.”
madison says:oh my, my father found this, and wow.
yeah, its a good thing my boyfriend doesnt care my dads “humorous.”
my step dad printed this out and gave this to me and said here make your bf fill thiss out umm no ur funny i dnt date neerds
volleyabbae says:my step dad printed this out and gave this to me and said here make your bf fill thiss out umm no ur funny i dnt date neerds
manna says: this is great=)One problem, Dad. Girls, even GROWN women will choose scary movies (such as chain saw movies) so they can feign fear and jump into their dates arms or at least hold their hand so they can be comforted. Better update that idea. :)
hightechdad says: Haha! Point taken! Thanks for the comment. Pinky XXX says:wassup, im really digging this site but the other links arent working. You might wanna check your site in IE 6 cuz you know that browser can act up sometimes.
